


oh Zayn...✔

by FantasylandwithZee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 09:50:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17916512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasylandwithZee/pseuds/FantasylandwithZee
Summary: Oh Zayn you don't know what you make me feel...





	1. Chapter 1

**Zayn don't leave me**

 

Never leave me

 

_____🥀_____

 

_Dear Zayn,_

 

_ how  _ _ have _ _ you _ _ been.  _ _ You've _ _ been _ _ gone for a while and I was just wondering. So I was looking out the window next to me, and remember that picture of the young you I had?  _ _ The _ _ one that I always made fun of? You were scared of the flash so you had that weird expression on your face. It  _ _ wasn't _ _ as bad as I made it  _ _ seem _ _. I just wanted a laugh and you never did  _ _ anything _ _ that I could use against you everytime we had a playful fight.  _

 

_ Anyways, that  _ _ wasn't _ _ what I was going to  _ _ say _ _. I was looking out the window this morning, right before sunrise and there was  _ _ this _ _ blue bird that just kept looking at me. I thought, wow Zayn would find that so creepy. And then I  _ _ thought _ _ when did I start using would  _ _ instead _ _ of  _ _ will _ _? _

 

_ I _ _ guess what I wanted to say, what I  _ _ really _ _ started  _ _ writing _ _ this letter  _ _ for _ _ was because I just  _ _ wanted _ _ to _ _ ask. I know you know  _ _ what _ _ I _ _ want to ask, but  _ _ I'll _ _ still _ _ write it so you can have solid proof that I care. When are you returning? _

 

_ Mother says  _ _ it's _ _ crazy of me to be  _ _ still _ _waiting_ _ for _ _ you but you said you would be  _ _ waiting _ _ for _ _ me too. We promised! I  _ _ wasn't _ _ going _ _ to break my promise ever.  _

 

_ I still look at the moon  _ _ when _ _ night falls, because I know wherever you are you watch the moon too. I just  _ _ wish _ _ you still think about me when you look at  _ _ it _ _. Do you? _

 

_ There are news spreading around, of a plane crashing and wars going on and someone being  _ _ shot _ _. I always hold my breath at that.  _

 

_ Waleyha comes to visit me often too and she asks all the what ifs, and I keep  _ _ assuring _ _ her  _ _ you're _ _ fine _ _. You are fine  _ _ right _ _?  _ _ Don't _ _ hurt me by saying no, but  _ _ don't _ _ lie to me  _ _ either _ _. The ring you gave me is still here Zayn, but I  _ _ haven't _ _ put it  _ _ on _ _.  _ _You're_ _supposed to do that._

 

_I'm_ _wholly,_ _completely_ _consumed by your thoughts my love, please come back soon._ _The_ _days are greying and_ _time_ _is passing by quicker than I can blink my eyes. It was only yesterday when you left and your fingers_ _ slowly _ _slipped from between mine. I remember it vividly. It was raining so much I_ _thought_ _God must be angry or too grief-stricken. And you rolled_ _your_ _suitcase and_ _didn't_ _look back even once. I was waiting Zayn._

 

_ I know you  _ _didn't_ _because you feared you would fall apart, but one last look would have_ _saved_ _me from nightmares._

 

_Oh god,_ _I_ _mustn't_ _be so negative. I believe in your_ _strength_ _and I know_ _you're_ _fighting_ _ ,  _ _still_ _looking at_ _the_ _moon and_ _thinking_ _about me whenever you can, still tracing the_ _ shape _ _ of  _ _the_ _ring_ _you've_ _got around your_ _neck_ _, still thinking of_ _calling_ _but never doing it._

 

_I just want to assure you I am_ _completely_ _fine. I am_ _healthy_ _and I eat_ _just_ _fine_ _. I go out with_ _my_ _friends a lot and sometimes I meet_ _ up _ _with_ _your mother, and she cries on my_ _ shoulder _ _and I_ _try_ _my best to make her smile as best as I_ _can_ _. We are okay but we need just_ _one_ _ word _ _from you love, to tame down our wild,_ _frightened_ _hearts._

 

_Just one letter my love._

 

_I_ _must leave_ _now_ _, Louis is waiting for me._ _We're_ _going out_ _tonight_ _to see Liam performing. He's really good_ _on_ _the_ _stage_ _. You_ _should_ _see him up there sometime soon._

 

_I love you!_

 

_ Yours  _ _forever_ _,_

 

_ Harry _


	2. Chapter 2

**Zayn stay here please**

 

 

Stay here next to me

 

 

_____🥀_____

 

 

_ Dear Zayn, _

 

 

_ I  _ _ haven't _ _ received any response.  _ _ Again _ _.  _ _ Love _ _ where are you? We are all getting worried. _

 

 

_ My hands are permanently inked waiting for you. Are you still alive?  _ _ It's _ _ a question  _ _ that's _ _ been on the tip of my tongue for so long, but I  _ _ haven't _ _ been  _ _ able _ _ to _ _ ask it  _ _ because _ _ it would somehow make it real. Or so I thought. I just want to hear from you. One call maybe and if you  _ _ don't _ _ want me to listen to your voice then  _ _ that's _ _ okay too. Just  _ _ one _ _ letter. _

 

 

_ I  _ _ haven't _ _ missed a  _ _ single _ _ day telling you about  _ _ my _ _ day. Oh Zayn,  _ _ anything _ _ from  _ _ you _ _ would _ _ make _ _ my day.  _

 

 

_ The postman is  _ _ tired _ _ of me appearing in front of him to hand him a  _ _ letter _ _ that _ _ never gets a response. In town, everyone thinks  _ _ you're _ _ gone but how can you? I still feel you  _ _ everywhere _ _ I go. In  _ _ the _ _ turning _ _ Autumn leaves and  _ _ the _ _ journal you  _ _ bought _ _ for me and every rose I come across. Sometimes I swear  _ _ you're _ _holding my hand while I_ _walk_ _through_ _the_ _streets at_ _night_ _. All alone._

 

 

_ This isolation is killing me, baby. Please come  _ _back_ _quickly_ _and_ _prove_ _these town people wrong. We promised to die side by side then how can you go before me?_

 

 

_There_ _were_ _four more deaths at the border. Please tell me_ _you're_ _still_ _here_ _. You promised me_ _that_ _you_ _ would write to me Zayn.  _ _Don't_ _break it._ _Don't_ _break_ _it._ _I'm_ _going insane_ _because_ _ I think there are monsters under my bed, maybe in my head too. My brain is stained with your blood. Tell me  _ _I'll_ _be_ _okay_ _. Hold my hand. Come back, take me into your arms and tell me_ _you're_ _here for good now._ _You're_ _staying_ _._ _You're_ _not going back to that deadly place._ _I'm_ _not_ _letting_ _you this time._

 

 

_Don't_ _let my belief break. I know_ _you're_ _alright_ _,_ _don't_ _make me doubt it._

 

 

_Yours forever,_

 

 

_Harry_


	3. Chapter 3

**Zayn are you dead**

it's been months

 

_____🥀_____

 

_ My love, _

 

_ It's _ _ been more than six months and  _ _there's_ _ no _ _ sign of you.  _ _ I'm _ _down to my bones and you_ _ don't _ _ care _ _. Are you dead? _

 

_Is that it? Niall says I have to move on, Liam_ _ says _ _you're_ _ never returning, Louis tells me to  _ _ hold _ _myself together, your_ _ mother _ _ cries on my shoulder,  _ _and_ _ my mother forces me to eat when I  _ _ don't _ _want to. Your_ _ sister's _ _are going to school_ _ talking _ _ about how proud they are of you, giving speeches  _ _commending_ _ your bravery and how  _ _ you're _ _ the best brother anyone could  _ _ have _ _ ever get. You are. The best brother, son, the best friend and lover. You are the  _ _ best _ _everything._

 

_ I  _ _ won't _ _ tease _ _ you anymore or make fun of your  _ _ funny _ _pictures. I_ _ won't _ _ force you to  _ _ listen _ _ to my jokes,  _ _ won't _ _ make you watch The Notebook with me all the  _ _ time _ _. I  _ _won't_ _ wake you up when you  _ _don't_ _ want to,  _ _ won't _ _ ask you to make me breakfast,  _ _won't_ _knock on_ _ your _ _ door at 3 in the  _ _morning_ _. I  _ _won't_ _steal your shirts,_ _won't_ _ cut my hair  _ _again_ _,_ _won't_ _make_ _silly_ _faces when taking_ _pictures_ _ ,  _ _won't_ _pull all the blanket to my side,_ _won't_ _ask you to_ _cuddle_ _me after_ _work_ _._

 

_I_ _ won't _ _ ask you to  _ _ do _ _ anything. You can just stay on bed  _ _ the _ _ whole day or do whatever you want. I promise but  _ _ please _ _ , please baby come back.  _

 

_ As days pass I  _ _don't_ _know what else to say_ _to_ _you, Zayn._ _I'm_ _going crazy and_ _I'm_ _writing letters that_ _you're_ _not reading, and honestly..._ _I'm_ _starting to think_ _you're_ _really_ _gone_ _._

 

_Stay here_ _ next _ _ to me and never go. _

 

_ Yours  _ _forever_ _,_

 

_Harry_


	4. Chapter 4

**Zayn aren't you back**

 

I dreamed you were back

 

_____🥀_____

 

_Dear Zayn_

 

_One y e a r_ _It's_ _been_ _one_ _year_  
_My hands a r e    sh akin g I ca n't seem to de adle to write..._

 

_ I  _ _ had _ _a      dre am hat yu  w e r e bact_

 

_and I was s   haddy_

 

_happy I m e ant_

 

_ Are you       _ _not_ _ dack     back? A r e yu      _


	5. Chapter 5

**Zayn I can see you**

 

And the doctor thinks I'm crazy

 

_____🥀_____

 

_don't_ _worry about the last letter._ _ I'm _ _ sure  _ _you're_ _ not  _ _worried_ _ , it  _ _didn't_ _ even reach you.  _

 

_I_ _ didn't _ _ post it. _

 

_ I stopped caring for a  _ _ while _ _you know? I_ _ thought _ _ the _ _ moon and the sun were the ugliest creations ever, and  _ _that_ _ the ring you  _ _ gave _ _me was plastic so I_ _ threw _ _ it in the bin. Then this man told me I was crazy and I said,  _ _I_ _ know old man I know, I mean...of  _ _ course _ _I know._ _ That's _ _why_ _ they've _ _admitted me to this_ _ hospital _ _ and  _ _I'm_ _ still writing these letters... _ _ isn't _ _that proof enough? But he denied and he said the worst_ _ kind _ _of crazy is when you lose hope and you_ _ give _ _up_ _ and you try to  _ _ erase _ _ all  _ _ memories _ _ that _ _ once _ _ made you happy. _

 

_ You made me happy.  _ _ Happier _ _ that _ _ I had ever been. I  _ _ didn't _ _ have _ _a horrible life before you but it did become so much brighter with you. So the man called me crazy_ _ because _ _ I stopped caring for you and  _ _ my _ _soul had been sucked by hopelessness._

 

_But_ _ don't _ _ worry.  _ _ I'm _ _ not giving up on you. I dug  _ _ through _ _ the fucking bin and  _ _ found _ _ the ring again, and  _ _ I'm _ _ wearing it. You can  _ _ buy _ _ me a new one to put on me  _ _ when _ _ you're _ _ back. _

 

_ I swear you were here just now. I swear, I swear, I swear.  _ _They're_ _not letting me watch_ _the_ _telly again but_ _know_ _ that _ _ I'm _ _still praying_ _for_ _you. I still love you._

 

_ everyone that  _ _ doesn't _ _ believe that can go  _ _ to _ _ hell. I  _ _ don't _ _ care. I just know you'll be  _ _ back _ _.  _ _ The _ _ roses Gemma sent me smell like you and  _ _ that _ _ gives me hope. _

 

_ I'm _ _not crazy no matter what the doctor says._ _I'm_ _not giving up on you._ _You'll_ _read these one day, even if you_ _don't_ _I know_ _you'll_ _feel all the words_ _on_ _your_ _heart_ _._

 

_I love you Zayn, so deeply._ _ You'll _ _ always be in my heart and I believe  _ _ I'll _ _ be able to hold you again soon. _

 

_ Yours  _ _forever_ _and ever,_

 

_Harry_


	6. Chapter 6

**oh Zayn**

 

I've loved you for so long

 

_____🥀_____

 

_ Oh  _ _ Zayn _

 

_ I've _ _ loved  _ _ you _ _ for so long. On this lazy morning, having woken  _ _ up _ _ by the birds chirping outside, with your arm around me, I know  _ _ I'll _ _ love you for longer  _ _ still _ _.  _

 

_ This is the last letter till you go back. Promise me next time  _ _I'm_ _gonna read a letter from you._ _Next_ _ time  _ _won't_ _be like last time,_ _won't_ _be so lonely._

 

_I love you the size of this universe, and if this_ _universe_ _ has an end, I love you beyond  _ _that_ _end._

 

_Your husband and your lover,_

 

_ Harry _


End file.
